Interview with Dr. Susanne Hofmeister, anthroposophical doctor

The menopause—from an eternal princess to charismatic queen.

Wanting to freeze time is ever so tiring. And futile. Dr. Susanne Hofmeister, anthroposophical doctor and biography work expert, looks at a new role set free by the menopause: that of the charismatic queen. To slip into this new role, we just need to crown ourselves. But one thing at a time.

Susanne Hofmeister, why do we even go through the menopause? And when does the menopause begin?

The menopause gives life a new quality. And I don’t mean wrinkles, hot flushes and the end of fertility. They are all side effects of a period of life that usually starts in your mid-to-late 40s and can last until your mid-to-late 50s. Many women start the menopause earlier, and most men go through it much later. But the exciting thing is that from middle age, you get to decide whether your mental strength declines along with your physical strength, or whether you connect with and develop these new-found, liberating powers.

“If everything were meant to stay the way it is, I would stagnate, and getting older would mean taking a step backwards. Ageing can also be a chance to grow into myself and tap into my own potential.” Susanne Hofmeister

Do you see the menopause as a time to grow?

Yes, at least the opportunity to do so. Let’s just look at the phases of life when the menopause happens. Biography work divides life into seven-year stages. Here, we're talking about the stages from 42 to 49 and 49 to 56, which are not too different from one another. However, I often see women in their 40s preparing for the mature period of their lives that begins in their 50s and leads to another stage of life from 56, which I like to call the “third puberty”.

A third puberty? Do explain!

Puberty simply means a time of change. It is a time to say goodbye and start afresh on a whole new level. Your first puberty—in your youth—marks the departure from your childhood. Life calls and you dare to go off into the world once you come of age. But it doesn't stop there.

During your second puberty between 35 and 42, you might have children, and your inner child might also be released. You are confronted with your old beliefs and patterns. It is time to recognise that everything is connected to you. Am I ready—in my potentially wounded soul—to step into a conscious self and take full responsibility for my life?

In your 50s, you are confronted with growing older. With the menopause, you say goodbye to the family life cycle, and as your parents might die around this stage, your inner child gains a new dimension. This phase of life can be thought of as a third puberty. Once again, you need to turn deep inside to a key question: What is essential? This questions the purpose of your life. Am I ready to meet my future self? It is never easy to ask these kinds of questions, but if you do, you will experience these years of your life as a period of liberation.

“It's a wonderful feeling: I am on the path to authenticity.” Susanne Hofmeister

What if your growth stagnates?

Then as women, we quickly get caught up in princess syndrome. We desperately want to stay beautiful and stop ageing and maturing. It is more of a passive, outward-looking mode. Instead, we could go from princesses to queens! A queen knows who she is and shapes her life as she wishes. She has charisma—and fewer wrinkles than an ageing princess. But how, exactly? If I focus on staying young and beautiful, I have to control everything, which is tiring. And that shows on my face. However, if I become aware of myself and have faith in my own destiny, I can let go. Confident composure is the best form of skincare.

“Ageing women have charisma. Charismatic women are able to look beyond the present to the future and set something in motion.” Susanne Hofmeister

Do we need more of these queens as role models in society?

Yes, because they're powerful women whose self-empowerment can be inspiring for others too. Take Michelle Obama, for example, who didn't just disappear after her husband's presidency came to an end, but stepped into the spotlight at 54 with her book “Becoming”. She describes her own journey from a more passive role in her marriage to the power of self-empowerment as an equal partner and political figure. There’s also Hilde Domin, who published her first collection of poems aged 50 and continued to write into old age. Both women show the potential that the menopause can unlock.

However, this potential is often limited to your private life or volunteering work. It could be felt more in society, especially as the seven-year cycle from 49 to 56 is a time when great leaders emerge. I think we need to do a better job of encouraging women to really get involved again in society after middle age. It's like a mature emancipation.

“I set my foot upon the air and it carried me.” Hilde Domin

Setting things back in motion takes energy. Where do you get that energy?

Each phase of life has its sources of strength, like enough sleep, regular exercise, a healthy diet, not much coffee and alcohol, and no nicotine. These golden rules become even more important during the menopause. Spaghetti after 10 pm is not a good idea any more. But we can get strength from other sources: In your 40s, you can get energy from keeping an eye on opportunities and learning from everything. I call that “unwavering humbleness”. From your mid-50s, you develop a new appreciation of deeper connections. You find it easier to forgive, feel and show gratitude. That gives you incredible strength, because everything around you feels more free. And then the world will roll out its red carpet for you.

The power of forgiveness—it sounds like others benefit from it too...

It is indeed a power that benefits both me and those around me and opens new doors—in your relationship, family and work. Forgiveness paves the way to true tolerance.

In your relationship, tolerance becomes even more important during the menopause. Women experience a growing self-awareness and awakening, while for men, emotions gain importance and they want to enjoy intimacy. It's as if the roles were reversed. It can help to have an understanding of this change of perspective, which can allow you to make compromises, but without betraying your own principles. Your relationship with ageing parents and grown-up children can also reach a new level during the menopause. It's a huge topic, whereby the power of forgiveness and letting go of expectations stands you in good stead.

“We need to tolerate different opinions and voice our own, rather than only speaking to people who think like us. That's something you should work on during the menopause.” Susanne Hofmeister